Trapped in a web of love

Now the title of this post is the song that was playing by Royal Crown Revue, as we signed our wedding certificate which was the perfect song we thought and after just saying “I do” we were certainly trapped. As we approach our 12th year of marriage, I thought a blog post about relationships would be good.

Talking about my relationship isn’t something I do often, but I felt today was a good day to do so.
I think when I got married, I had this notion that we’d just be happy every single day of our lives together, we had a pretty good few years dating, lots of time for romance, we spent so much time together, the whole moving in together was perfect, we had a puppy, cooked meals together, and loved each other’s company 100% of the time – it was certainly a “love high” (thanks for the web page that gave me that term). A love high that is what it was for the first few years.
Fast forward 12 years….
2 children in primary school
A dog
A cat
Scouts being extremely time consuming for our whole family
Plus our jobs of course!
I had no inkling of how hard a long term relationship might get at times.
So many relationships are not perfect, (except those still in their love high stage! But no one really talks about their relationships in depth with their friends, so we think everyone must be living in a perfect relationship in a life long love high and ours is the only relationship struggling.
So let me tell you that in my relationship sometimes we are extremely distant with each other for days, some day’s we don’t talk much. Some day’s we can’t even be in the kitchen together as we are just not in SYNC with each other’s movements or energies it seems. We bump into each other, get in each other’s way and generally just shit each other off.
Sometimes I think “god we have nothing in common” but I have to remember there is nothing wrong with that. We don’t have to enjoy the same books, the same TV shows or the same food and we don’t even have to have the same interests.
I imagine other couples every night in their homes putting the kids to bed, and enjoying a dinner together, watching their favourite tv show together snuggled up on the couch, going to bed together and having some lovin… every night.
Again if people talked about their relationships more I’d know this was more than likely not happening.
So what helps me through those hard times?
Focus on the little things like kissing on the lips goodbye each morning. Sometimes when he gives me a peck, I pull him back and say “ugh that was a I’ve been married 12 years kiss” and we have a more romantic kiss goodbye, and then a child comes to get between us for squeezy squish squash cuddle between us. LOL.
Kiss good bye every day even if you don’t feel like it, it makes your morning better trust me!
Every afternoon, ask how their day was and stop what your doing to listen with interest when they tell you about it. Your relationship and partner deserves you to stop and listen with interest. ( I need to work harder on this one).
Hug each other goodnight with a kiss of course. (I don’t know why but every time we go to hug goodnight we get a zap of electricity / friction) He’s scared to touch me and I laughingly said just last night “our love is electric” haha.
Remember to say thank you for………something simple like “thank you for cooking dinner” or “thank you for vacuuming the house” or “thanks for dealing with child 2 for me so I could continue packing lunch boxes” or so I could go to the toilet in peace without having to yell out to a child.. FIND SOMETHING TO SAY THANK YOU FOR every day. It feels good to thank them for something, it makes you realise you are thankful to your partner for something, and I’m sure they like being thanked!
Compliment each other more often.  The other day Simon was wearing this nice blue top and it really suits him and makes his eyes look really blue so I mentioned it and he nearly died of shock.  I can’t promise to notice his hair cuts (which he feels heart broken about especially when friends notice and I haven’t) but I can compliment him on other things and I will try to do it more often.

A lot of the negative thoughts about your relationship are just that “thoughts” and you have to teach yourself to stop your thoughts controlling you. Don’t let those “thoughts” ruin a good thing.

To be kept strong a relationship must be attended to regularly, it doesn’t need constant attention but it needs regular attention.

Live in the present, don’t worry about last week, yesterday or tomorrow just focus on right now today with your partner.

Always make time for the person you love.

Remember you chose each other for a reason.

How about a little love challenge.. readers? There is lot’s of love challenges on pinterest, even just a week of little challenges will help.

And google ” relationships aren’t always easy” and it will give you some really good advice and make you realise that it’s normal and that you aren’t alone when things feel harder than they should be.

This blog is viewing to me (really weird) hope its okay for my few readers!

 

 

 

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2 Comments

  1. Some very wise words in there Jane!!! Viewing ok to me, although the image originally appeared twice (once at top and once at bottom) and now not at all…

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